I always like to check out freaky fashions or the “most challenging” (okay unflattering) fashions trends that lie ahead for Autumn/Winter 2017…From drop crotch trousers to neanderthal gladiator boots for instance or from spindly pointy toed kitten heels to transparent see-through braless tops or shapeless stirrup leggings. We all have our pet hates. Here are a few I won’t be wearing this coming season…

Thick Cord trouser suits: This bulky unflattering fabric is best employed for upholstering couches. It may look acceptable on a discount recliner in Sofaland – but it does not belong on the womenwear catwalk.

Disadvantage : It adds inches onto your figure.

Quilted pattern dresses: This padded trend looks suspiciously like you ran out of the house grabbing your continental quilt. Whether it’s Stella McCartney’s metallic bedspread shawl or those naff padded dresses this trend does nothing to flatter any figure.

Disadvantage: You look like an unmade bed

Getting Waisted. The trend for four inch wide elasticated belts that pull the waist in like it’s made of inflatable rubber is another inhumane offering for women this season. If we want to get our stomach stapled or ribs removed then we will go to a surgeon.

Disadvantage: Drastic gastric strangulation.

Giant Jodphurs: If you want to look like a clown then opt for the blown-up thighs of the giant jodhpur trouser suit. These trousers typically in plaid make jodhpur look like skinny jeans and the girth of the legs are completely ridiculous.

Disadvantage: Fashion statement: Here comes Bobo the clown.

Metallic/Chainmail dresses: Fortunately we don’t live in the Roman times anymore so most women don’t want to wear metallic chain mail dresses or gladiator boots like Russell Crowe in Gladiator. So steer clear of the shiny heavy metals.

Disadvantage: Roman Slave becomes post-modernist fashion victim!